Downfall (Der Untergang – 2004)

As soon as Downfall ended I turned on my computer, checked my email, and was met with the news that Christopher Hitchens died, in Houston of all places.  Houston was the location of the UFC Expo and subsequent UFC 136 I went to a few months ago.  Houston was also, as I would find out later, the location of an atheist/free thinker convention that same weekend which Hitchens was a part of.  I never did go see Hitchens speak or debate live.  I also never went to see George Carlin live.  The closest he ever came to Dallas in his final years was El Paso. 

I confirmed Hitchens’ death on Facebook.  I spent about 15 minutes trying to think up a witty status…15 minutes wasted.  In the end I shared the link from some of the other Facebook pages about Hitch’s death, changed my profile picture to a weak looking, slumped over Hitchens, and drove up the street to find some high sodium “food.”  I just watched a movie about an influential man who many looked up to. If the film’s portrayal of Hitler is accurate, he was very aware of how history would perceive him.  Hitler was, after all, personally responsible for the deaths of millions of people and bringing war upon the world.  In some people’s eyes, Hitchens’ crime was far more heinous-he refused to bow to a non-existent celestial dictator and encouraged others to follow suit.

I’m ashamed to admit that I passed over Downfall dozens of times.  I don’t actually remember what it was about the cover that finally made me buy it at Hastings.  I liken the purchase to something CT told me about finally fucking a guy because he had been trying to “get it” for so long, or something equally ridiculous (by that logic I should be as familiar with CT’s vagina as her gynecologist). Before putting in the DVD I noticed the runtime of 155 minutes.  I originally planned to watch Downfall on two separate days.  There I go trying to plan things again.  It took several bathroom breaks, but I stayed until the job was done.  Downfall is the perfect example of a movie that knows exactly how long it should be.  An hour shorter and you approach Michael Bay-like plot/logic jumps.  An hour longer and you approach LOTR encore ending insanity.

As watching Boardwalk Empire does with the prohibition era, watching Downfall made me want to learn more about the last days of Hitler. I could watch a dozen documentaries on History Channel about Hitler and still be just as ignorant.  I am just as ignorant.  When I think of WWII movies, Schindler’s List and Saving Private Ryan are definitely at the top of the list.  There’s a nice contrast between the war on the front lines and the secret war that involved concentration camps. I did find myself immediately comparing Downfall to a lesser film, Valkyrie, mostly because it’s the only WWII film I remember watching that dealt heavily with Hitler’s bunker.

Another great similarity between Downfall and Valkyrie is the way the world seemed to fall more and more apart the longer I watched.  In Valkyrie they went from successfully taking over the army to being lined up and executed.  Everything about the coup’s collapse seemed sudden and chaotic.  One of the great things about the Downfall descent is how slow the walls seem to crumble.  Watching this depiction of Hitler’s last days was like watching a controlled demolition.  I kept asking myself how bad it had to get before they did finally make the decision to kill themselves.  If I was a general in the bunker I don’t see what would have stopped me from taking out my pistol, blowing Hitler’s brains out, and ending the needless sacrifice of thousands of German soldiers and civilians. Instead, like lemmings, the generals followed Hitler right off the cliff.

The preferred method of suicide by the German soldiers was interesting.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people shoot themselves in the temple.  There were a lot of mouth shootings as well, but I seem to find that in every WWII movie.   I wonder if that’s more a sign of the times or the preferred method of storytellers. The use of cyanide capsules was also interesting. The scene that sticks out is the children being drugged, then forced to swallow capsules in their sleep because their mother didn’t want to them to grow up in a world without National Socialism.  The last 30 minutes made me wonder what it means to “die honorably,” to “have a good death” and to “go out on your own terms.” There’s a lesson to be learned from Romeo & Juliet in there somewhere. If I wasn’t able to keep upgrading pumps or if my heart never regenerates, what avenue I would choose?

I wonder if Hitler was really as petty as Downfall made him out to be.  In that respect, he reminds me a lot of my mother.  In the middle of being under siege movie Hitler insisted that officers he felt betrayed him be killed for treason.  He also blamed the German people for sacrificing their own lives and not being strong enough to fight back the Russians.  It reminds me of the Republican mantra “if you’re not rich, it’s your own fault.” If you replace Hitler with the voice inside my head, the German generals with the women I’m foolish enough to try to make a part of my life, and the bunker with my mind, the thought process hits a little close to home.   What that says about me, I don’t know.  We are both failed artists, after all.

Downfall is the first time I’ve ever watched a movie that was entirely in German.  Most of the foreign films I watch are in Japanese. I recently decided to rededicate myself to learning Japanese, Portuguese and French.  One of the reasons for my recent purchase of movies from Hastings was to pick up some Japanese and French language films to help with immersion.  I don’t actually like the sound of German.  The acting in Downfall was so engaging I hardly noticed.

I haven’t watched The Sound of Music since I was a child.  I must be one of the only black men on the planet who sings Edelweiss. Even after watching The Sound of Music dozens of times I had no idea what a Nazi was, and completely lacked historical context (I don’t think I ever truly understood the convent escape).  Like many musicals of my youth, I would love to revisit The Sound of Music with 27 year old eyes.

http://www.downfallthefilm.com/

Barney’s Version

I don’t know how Barney’s Version got past me, but I’ve been hearing good things about this movie for what seems like several years. I am a big fan of Paul Giamatti, but rarely as a leading man. I think he shined in the TV mini-series John Adams, but I prefer him in supporting film roles, like in The Ides of March, Duplicity, Shoot ‘Em Up, and Private Parts, and I will always remember him for the “forget about it” scene from Donnie Brasco.

I had a shit father, dad, or whatever you’re supposed to call assholes who contribute semen, but don’t participate in actual raising, and what to call him is almost as difficult as figuring out what to call black people in America without offending some faction. As far as I know I’m his only son and, even after almost dying in March, I haven’t heard one word from him in almost a decade. If I could pick any fictional father as my own I would pick either Ray Liotta in Blow, Christopher Walken in Catch Me If You Can, or Dustin Hoffman in Meet the Parents or Barney’s Version. Hoffman in the dinner scene and at the wedding is classic, and his death is as awesome as it is hilarious.

I recently had a conversation with one of my rehab nurses at Denton Regional. We came to the conclusion that you either find an interesting and crazy woman who may cut off your pisciatil and feed it to you, or settle for a boring but nice girl who has a steady job and will bear you children. This seems incredibly depressing, but not too far off my own personal experiences. I really like (or used to like before she fucked it up and made it overly complicated) being around CT, but she is out of her fucking mind and, at times, is more trouble than she’s worth for someone I’m not even getting a handjob from. The other chick in my life is my ex girlfriend who is nice, dependable, loyal, and we have a comfortable sexual chemistry, but she’s also boring, we have no spark, and there is no real future.

Barney settled and married three times, once to a whore, once to someone who was socially and financially acceptable, and once to a nice girl who was totally out of his league. I love how Barney fucked it up with the last one, as if he could top leaving his previous wife on his wedding night. I don’t believe in love, don’t believe in the whole “you complete me” Jerry Maguire nonsense, and don’t believe that there’s a person out there for everyone. I think the “see you next lifetime” theme of Erykah Badu’s song is more realistic. I’ve always joked that I want to get married once and then quickly divorce, if only for the experience of saying “I was married” and “my ex wife.”  I’m also afraid of settling, both personally and professionally. Meeting the woman of my dreams at my wedding seems like something I would do, or at least convince myself I’d done.

Though tragic, a huge chunk of Barney’s life is exactly how I imagine my life going.  Making mistake after romantic mistake, ruining my relationships with all people, having a revenge fuck because I’ve overreacted and over thought a situation that leads to a once dedicated woman walking out on me, and then forgetting it all in my final years.  I’m still not clear on what story this is Barney’s version of, but I love how the mystery of his friend’s death unfolds.

http://www.barneysversionthemovie.com/#/home

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009) -- Love & Other Drugs

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009)

Before seeing the trailer for the new The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, starring Daniel Craig, I never heard of Stieg Larsson or the Millennium Trilogy books.  My only exposure to Larsson comes from searching through the foreign film sections of Hastings and Movie Trading Company and repeatedly skipping over The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest, The Girl Who Played with Fire, and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  I considered buying the individual DVDs but $19.95 seems a bit much for something I’ve never seen and $59.99 for the set is just outrageous.   

My plan, and this year is the perfect example of how life shits on me and my plans, was to watch all three of the original movies before the remake comes out in theaters on December 23rd. Luckily, I have (or had) a female “friend” with a sizeable TV, a Wii and Netflix.  Dragon Tattoo then became my excuse to hang out at that friend’s house, who I un-affectionately refer to as “CT” for cock tease.  Somehow, she ended up asleep in the other room and I ended up on the couch by myself watching Dragon Tattoo.

One of the first things that struck me was how unattractive Michael Nyqvist is as a leading man, and I couldn’t stop comparing Noomi Rapace’s Lisbeth to Rooney Mara’s in my mind. Story wise, Dragon Tattoo was very slow.  I felt every one of the152 minutes. I don’t know if it’s just in the European movies I watch, but I seem to come across a lot of them with gratuitous sex scenes. It’s usually an erotic plus, but this time the sex was little more than a distraction. You could tell the book was written by a man, both from the rape scene, the revenge penetration, and the sexual relationship that developed out of nowhere between the main character and his tattooed lesbian sidekick.

Eventually, I reached the point of no return and only sat through this borefest so I could finally see the end.  And there was no way in hell I was going back over to CT’s house just to watch the end. When I arrived I was very disappointed with my final destination.  The poor old man suffered through his later years in life all because his cunt of a niece wouldn’t tell him that she was alive and well. I’m sure that’s a shortcoming in the original material, but it didn’t make the journey any less of a waste of time.  The Nazi torture reminded me of Hostel, but somehow more pointless. It also got me thinking about suicide by strangulation, but I didn’t put that puzzle together until after I watched Love & Other Drugs.

The Dragon Tattoo remake has a much better cast and, based on the trailers, appears to be an all-around better film.  It wouldn’t be the first time I preferred a Hollywood bastardization of a film. I refused to watch Let Me In, even though I actually like actress Chloë Grace Moretz, because it was a remake of one of my favorite films of all time, Let the Right One in. However, The Departed, which stole entire scenes from Infernal Affairs, and The Ring, which started the trend of Japanese horror movie stealing, were both better than the originals. 

I still want to see Hornet’s Nets and Played with Fire, but that will likely happen on iTunes on a 17” laptop and not at CT’s woman cave.

http://dragontattoofilm.com/

 

Love & Other Drugs

After I got home from CT’s house, which was some time around 1am, I made the mistake of searching for a mindless flick to fall asleep to. Love & Other Drugs just started playing on HBO and nothing says mindless like a rom-com.  When I went to the theater to see 50/50 I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting in to. Love & Other Drugs caught me completely by surprise.  I originally just saw it as a rentable Jake Gyllenhaal/Anne Hathaway movie that may be good to watch with a chick. Somehow, in all of the film’s promotion, I completely missed the part where one of the main characters has Parkinson’s.

A big theme in Love & Other Drugs was how Hathaway’s character didn’t want pity or Gyllenhaal’s character to feel like he had to take care of her.  It hit me, like a ton of bricks, that one of the things I’ve been struggling with since I got out of the hospital is not wanting anyone to feel like they have to take care of me.  I hate being taken care of, even when it’s with the best of intentions.  Always have and always will. 

Instead of falling asleep, I found myself crying again, this time at 4 in the morning.  The part that really struck me was the convention scene in which Hathaway found a support structure and got to watch other people with various stages of Parkinson’s speak about their own Parkinson’s experiences. I avoid the monthly LVAD meetings at UT Southwestern like the plague.  Hopefully, me having an LVAD isn’t a permanent thing, unlike Parkinson’s, which gets progressively worse, and going to the LVAD meetings to be around a bunch of older people whose hearts have no chance of regenerating is almost like admitting defeat.

My only real complaint with Love & Other Drugs is the typical Hollywood ending. If I stayed all night in my car, waiting for a chick who said she didn’t want to see me, I would be labeled a creeper.  But when Gyllenhaal does it, it becomes romantic and they end up together in the end. I know everyone’s experience with a terminal or potentially terminal disease is different, but I’ve experienced a lot of isolation and self doubt. I can’t even imagine being involved in a passionate romance without it ending very badly.

Ending aside, I think Love & Other Drugs is worth the time investment. And Kudos to Hathaway for showing her breasts again and turning in a very solid acting performance.

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2329347609/

Hesher

I watched Hesher on two different days.  For some reason it’s been hard for me to conquer the stack of DVDs sitting on top of my shit shelf. When I finally picked a DVD, sometime around 4am on Thursday, I was pleasantly surprised by Hesher.

We started off on the wrong foot.  I found myself playing games on Pogo and rewinding entire scenes for the first 20 minutes.  But, as Joseph Gordon-Levitt appeared more on screen, I was increasingly drawn back to my low definition TV and real laughing occurred (not just typing or texting “LMAO”). I don’t know if it’s good for the heart or alleged soul, but it felt good.

Gordon-Levitt has been one of my favorite actors for years now.  I’ve been most impressed with his role in Brick.  And, like with Johnny Depp and Christian Bale, I enjoy going back and finding some of his lesser known films. I picked up Hesher at the Hastings in Denton and first saw the trailer on the Everything Must Go DVD a few weeks ago.

Hesher carried the themes of death and disappointment that I’ve been dealing with since I got out of the hospital in May.  Gordon Levitt’s last film, 50/50, dealt more closely with my circumstances.  His character in 50/50 was diagnosed with cancer at age 27 and underwent chemotherapy and surgery.  I had a heart pump put in my chest at 26 and am still going through cardiac rehabilitation. There was even a scene in 50/50 near the end that brought me to tears. Hesher, thankfully, was far enough away that I could get lost in the inappropriate humor.

It took me a while to decide whether or not Hesher was a real character or a figment of the boy’s imagination.  It reminded me a lot of one of my favorite shows on FX, Wilfred, and Drop Dead Fred, which I somehow pulled out of my memory bank. Hesher is a weird anti-hero who seems to help you as much as he hurts you. At times I felt like the boy, others Hesher.  It was almost like watching different parts of my personality.

I wonder if people like Hesher still exist. In some ways, I envy his squatter and, on the surface, carefree lifestyle.  There’s something to be said for having the ability to pick up and go, develop varying degrees of attachments with people, and then move on if you overstay your welcome.  I literally have to plug into a wall at night and am constrained by whatever battery power I have that powers the pump.  I’ve always joked that the first thing I would do when/if I get rid of the pump is hookers and cocaine.  In reality, I would probably travel to France and get lost in the countryside for a few months. Squatting isn’t really my style but I’m with him in spirit.

I want to share Hesher with other people, but I’m reluctant because I don’t know that anyone will appreciate the humor, or movie in general, as much as I did.  If more people did you would see this type of comedy at the local Cinemark. The pace was also slow, even for me (see above comments about playing games online), and I’ve built up a tolerance after a decade being engrossed in more artsy and less Hollywood movies.

I’ll be looking for Drop Dead Fred in the $5 bin at Walmart and keeping my eye out for more Gordon-Levitt and Natalie Portman flicks that have gone under the mainstream radar. Hesher was exactly what I needed (my want for a regenerated heart and good but low sodium tortilla soup and clam chowder is an understood constant).

http://www.hesherthemovie.com/